Im really frustrated and upset and irriataed with my hair. i need help?

hello all. well i am here on answers to ask for help with my hair. i've been natural my entire life. i am african american with extremely coarse, thick, unmanageable, 4b and 4c hair. my hair shrinks up about 75% after i wash it so its impossible to do wash and go styles for me. im just overall really really frustrated. i cant manage my curls and straightening my hair at home is damn near impossible. i've tried everything. roller sets, silk wraps, deep conditioners, different products and everything. nothing works. i end up with the same dry results. right now i think i've reached my breaking point in regards to my hair. i really want to have a texturizer put in just so my hair can look nice and be easier to manage. honestly i really hate to do this because i know how bad any type of chemical is but im so frustrated and upset with my disgusting hair that im actually really considering it. so if anyone can give me an alternative to a texturizer or the best kind of texturizer that would give me soft manageable hair i would appreciate that. thanks.