Would you contact an ex friend condolences on a personal loss even though she told me to leave her alone prior?

Do it out of respect to her and to the one who has ped. Send some flowers with a card, use your initials if you like, but saying nothing is a bit rude since you were friends at one point. You are not trying to reach out to her to make admins, you are just sending her sincere sympathy for her loss.